Protection Racket

From the Story Arc: Stumble and Fade

Previous Story in the Arc: Fisher of Bears by Re-Bear (Wednesday, March 07, 2007)

Next Story in the Arc: Time Apart by Re-Bear (Monday, March 12, 2007)

(posted Thursday, March 08, 2007)

**Official CCCP Communication Transcripts***
*** To: Sophia Rabinovich***
***From: Waitron***

Receptionist: "Thank you for calling Goodyear. How may I assist you?"

Re-Bear: "I am interested in purchasing something durable. Thick, galvanized rubber."

Receptionist: "What size?"

Re-Bear: "Excuse me?"

Receptionist: "For fitting. What size would you need?"

Re-Bear: "Extra-EXTRA-large."

Receptionist: "Ohhh-kay... I'll put you down for a sixteen. Will this be for regular use or off-roading?"

Re-Bear: "Regular use. Though I am sure Lena would be up for some 'off-roading'..."

Receptionist:"Would you like these to be steel radials?"

Re-Bear: "Of course! The steel will provide extra protection."

Receptionist: "What kind of rims do you have?"

Re-Bear: "I do not know what 'rims' are."

Receptionist: "It's the round thing that goes through the hole."

Re-Bear: "I have a very nice rim. I gave someone very special a rim-job last night and she's still speechless about it."

Receptionist: "..."

Re-Bear: "Is it flavored?"

Receptionist: "Is what flavored?"

Re-Bear: "The rubber."

Receptionist: "Why would your tires be flavored?"

Re-Bear: “Tires?"

Receptionist: “Yes, we sell tires. For cars and trucks. I currently have you down for four sixteen-inch all-purpose radials. Since you have rims, you can drop off your car and we can switch them around.”

Re-Bear: “I am sorry, Comrade. I believe I have a wrong number.”

*click*

***

Receptionist: “Sensual Fantasy, where your love becomes your life. My name is Trixie. How can I serve you?”

Re-Bear: “Greetings Comrade Trixie. I am looking for some... protection.”

Trixie: “What exactly are you looking for?”

Re-Bear: “Some... some...cond... cond...”

Trixie: “It’s OK. I know exactly what you mean. What kind of condoms do you need?”

Re-Bear: “Extra-EXTRA-large.”

Trixe: “Ohhh-kay... I’ll put you down for a ‘medium’. Anything else?”

Re-Bear: “I need... those items.. that will not rupture when exposed to adverse conditions?”

Trixie: “Feeling a little adventurous?”

Re-Bear: “Nyet, it just has to resist the pressure of a thousand tiny shafts of jagged cells that exude a potentially crippling neurotoxin.”

Trixie: “That sounds pretty adventurous to me.”

Re-Bear: “Do you have anything galvanized? Steel radials?”

Trixie: “I have some that are ribbed. And some that taste like apricots.”

Re-Bear: “Bah! What about catnip?”

Trixie: “What?”

Re-Bear: “What? Was simple question...”

*click*

***

Rikti: “Answer: Salutation.”

Re-Bear: “Greetings. I understand you sell Rikti marital aids?”

Rikti: “Answer : Affirmative. Accoutrements : Many. Query : Type?”

Re-Bear: “I am looking for a... some... cond... cond...”

Rikti: “Prophylactics : available.”

Re-Bear: “I am far from being a professional phylactic yet, Comrade.”

Rikti: “Query : Type?”

Re-Bear: “Extra-EXTRA-Large!”

Rikti: “Correction : Medium. Query : Usage?”

Re-Bear: “Do you have anything that can stop bullets and toxins?”

Rikti: “Affirmative : In Stock. Type : Force Field. Vibrates : Pleasure.”

Re-Bear: “Perfect! I will not maim her again! Can you ship it to Paragon City?”

Rikti: “Afirmative : Postal Service, five days. Query : Payment?”

Re-Bear: “Credit Card.”

Rikti: “Query : Visa or Mastercard?”

Re-Bear: “Visa.”

Rikti: “Query : Account information”

Re-Bear: “Aleksander Rabinovich. R-A-B-I-N-O-V-I-C-H. 3333 444 6784 2345.”

Rikti: “Query : Security Number. Location : Back Signature Box.”

Re-Bear: “427.”

Rikti: “Shipping Date : Tomorrow.”

Re-Bear: “Thank you, Comrade.”

Rikti: “Answer : Farewell.”

*click*