Only the Lonely

(posted Tuesday, May 08, 2007)

From confidential CCCP phone records

Rikti: Salutations : Caller. Mood : Appreciative

Re-Bear: Ummm... Is this the Erotic Connections chat line?

Rikti: Answer : Affirmative. Cost : One-ninety-nine a minute.

Re-Bear: Well this better be good. Comrade Trawler is away on business, Comrade Zarya is no longer a peep-hole away, and Comrade Bengal is not interested in big strong Bear...

Rikti: Your life : Boring. Your pleasure : My business. Your desire : Forbidden.

Re-Bear: I would say so. What are you wearing Comrade...

Rikti: Name: T'Rixi.

Re-Bear: OK, Comrade Trixie, what are you wearing?

Rikti: Clothing: Sexy. Top : Black. Fabric : Silk.

Re-Bear: And your bottom...

Rikti: Bottom : Battle Armor.

Re-Bear: Excuse me?

Rikti: Apologies : Misunderstanding. Bottom : Lace. Shoes : Clear high heels.

Re-Bear: Wow, sounds like you and Trawler have same closet.

Rikti: Query : Fantasy?

Re-Bear: Surprise me.

Rikti: First : Remove your shirt. Second : undo your belt. Third : Climb into your lap.

Re-Bear: Go on....

Rikti: Hand : Covering your mouth. Inject : Mutagens. Location : Heart.

Re-Bear: Excuse me?

Rikti: Apologies : Misunderstanding. Breasts : Your face. Hips : Gyrate.

Re-Bear: Much hotter.

Rikti: Portal : Open. Conscripts : Summoned.

Re-Bear: Shto?

Rikti: Apologies : Mis... Loud explosion in background

Re-Bear: What was that?

Rikti: Sound : Nothing. Continue : Fan.. Smaller explosions are heard, getting closer and closer

Re-Bear: I'm really losing my concentration, Trixie. I may have to pop a blue if your going to keep being distracted.

Rikti: Interested : Your manhood. Query : Name? unknown voice heard: "I am Captain Fantastic, put your weapons down you Rikti freaks or I'll break every one of you!"

Re-Bear: I usually call it Quincy.... Are you OK, Trixie?

Loud explosion heard, followed by a thud

Unknown Man: Who is this? The Malta? Arachnos?

Re-Bear: Are you Trixie's boyfriend?

Unknown Man: What in the world are you talking about?

Re-Bear: Who are you?

Unknown Man: I am Captain Fantastic.

Re-Bear: I am sorry, Comrade. I am sure you are fantastic, but I do not swing that way. Certainly not for one-ninety-nine a minute. I will call back later and ask for Trixie. Do Svedonia.

Call ended