Substitute Teacher

(posted Friday, August 13, 2004)

This unit has been instructed by high ranking officials to maintain the education system set up by comrade <click> Mother Siberia.  The following is a report on this morning's class:


5:00AM - This unit carried out programmed wake-up calls to all registered students.  Updates on current class schedule were supplied.  Note: Resistance was noted on part of Ms. Ing, additional notes are available pertaining to subsequent calls made to that individual logged at  5:05AM, 5:10AM and 5:15AM.  This unit attained an affirmative from individual concerning attendance on premise that this unit <click> "stop calling you can of bolts!"


5:30AM - This unit, upon traveling to location of class, was interrupted by large group of foes.  All individuals suitable for re-education and/or imprisonment were dealt with.  Minor repairs were carried out by this unit on this unit, none requiring outside assistance.


5:45AM - This unit arrived at class location (this unit obtained usage of unused classroom at local elementary school).  Assignments for the day were posted on chalk board.  This unit noted audible screaching coming from board when chalk was applied, will make further inquiries into quality of inferior Amerikanski-made teaching implements.


5:55AM - Students began to arrive.  This unit recorded arrivals of each individual and times. This data may be accessed by commissars upon request.  This unit's motion sensor detected an unseen individual and requested that said individual show him or herself.  Individual proved to be student <click> Kostyak.  Noted arrival of CCCP member <click> Chug, whom this unit provided with illustrated version of class text at request.  Noted absence of student <click> Ms. Ing and student <click> Mosca.


6:00AM - This unit commenced teaching of class.  Accessed recorded files of text and played files via phonograph accompanied by overhead projector function.


6:15AM - Noted late arrival of <click> Ms. Ing.  Reparations for tardiness were instructed to be made by additional attendance of timed lateness as well as demerit on record.


6:25AM - Request was made by student <click> Blacklist to use biological facilities.  This unit denied access, explaining that for optimal learning experience all students should see to biological functions prior to class.  This unit suggested possible use of large mug on desk of student labeled <click> "Java for the People" for relief of biological imperitive, but student declined.


6:30 - This unit began a question and answer period to review text.  A request was made for a volunteer to read aloud from Text.  Student <click> Sinergia was kind enough to volunteer. This unit questioned student <click> Hygiene Man as to the lack of a textbook.  This unit was informed that said text had fallen into some sewage and had become toxic.  This unit supplied student with another.


7:00AM - This unit produced quiz papers, which student <click> Iron-Curtain was helpful in handing distributing to all fellow students.  Noted: student <click> Khrushchev supplied his own #2 pencil.  This unit supplied required materials to all who needed.  Student <click> Kostyak complained of pained arm and shoulder, prohibiting the use of writing implements.  This unit suggested an oral version of exam in front of class, but student claimed to be feeling sudden improvement in health.  This unit sounded a chime to signal the beginning of examination. 


7:15AM - This unit's sensors detected questionable activity from student <click> Ms. Ing.  Upon inspection, a note was found containing excerpts from text.  This unit confiscated notes and generated a new exam, announcing to class that all exams had been generated individually.  This unit warned against further breaking of rules and, for effect, used fossilize powers on the feet of aforemetioned student to make an example.


7:30AM - Examinations were collected and students were instructed to read quietly from text while this unit reviewed and graded papers.  Grades can be accessed by Officials upon request.  This unit then used chalkboard to review incorrect answers made by large percentages of class.  Protests of students were made to screaching sound of chalk on board. Student <click> Gato Rojo claimed to have been made deaf.  This unit replied that hearing was not required for this portion of the class.


7:55AM - Student <click> Heavy Brother requested private tutoring by this unit for the furthering of understanding of text.  This unit reccommended that he instead gather a study group from available classmates.  Student <click> Heavy Brother asked students <click> Gato Rojo, Ursa Minor, Ms. Ing and Sinergia to participate.


8:00AM - This unit dismissed class reminding all students of make-up hours over the weekend days to replace lost time during the absense of <click> Mother Siberia.  Student <click> Ms. Ing. showed much disrespect and was ordered to clap erasers for the remaining 15 minutes of her classtime.


<click> End REPORT <click>