Memo: Issues in Our Modern Times

(posted Monday, February 04, 2008)

Memo: Issues in Our Modern Times
From: Petrograd, Comm. Of Logistics, CCCP
To: All CCCP and YC members

Part 1: CCCP Databasing

Comrades, it has come to my attention, many, many times in recent days that with dynamic movements intrinsic to global social collective, our CCCP tracking system may nyet be adequate for [b]safety[/b] and proper tactical maximization of all good workers. I have often awoken at start, in middle of night, by internal alarm system, only to discover what must to be glitch in system after ‘missing’ comrades ‘reappear’ on scanners. At other times, upon reviewing data from past missions for lessons for young tovarischi, am finding corruption of data, linkable only to quantum phase distortion, indicating certain comrades were on active patrol (YOU ARE KNOWING WHO YOU ARE), who certainly were nyet!!

In more recent days, it has become apparent that new-fangled spiritualist/morale-building extracurricular group or groups--of no consequential extra-dimensional or terrestrial nature--are developing policies and mental or physical exercises—meant for entertainment and NYET proper edification--which MAY or MAY NYET be causing such difficulties with stream of superstring quantum information storage and existence.

I have been forgiveful in past, modifying systems of CCCP base to include felines entering transportation matrices and certain late-night dalliances common to strapping young comrades (and one uncomfortably old and mentally deviant comrade in strapping young body—YOU ARE KNOWING WHO YOU ARE), but I feel I must to draw the line with tampering expressly with bolshoi important [b]safety[/b] and tactical records. This sort of immature behavior and trickery is inappropriate to any stable, productive worker-hero!

I will nyet recommend excoriation for such offenses, despite opinions from certain matronly comrade or comrades in Moscow, but these deeds will nyet be untrusted. With aid of modern technology and parapsychology, I have produced paper copies of CCCP database which will to be stored extradimensioaly, as well as in psychically-accessed immutable quantum-proof imaginary n-space in thought-form. For those of you with vestiges of superstition, am also having handed copy to Comrade Seraphic Flame. Is some having some sort of ‘connection with Infinite being’ I am assuming will to be good for file storage.

I will to be updating this database with new information being bidaily. Any comrades caught violating records trough ill-understood quantum mind-beams (and nyet any sort of temporal distortion) will to be spending time in Communication Room, recoding their offending database portions. By hand. The helpful Gamaiun recoding software will be glad to accept punch-cards in bolshoi Sovietski ‘machine language,’ until discrepiencies will practically disappear before comrades eyes!

Part 2: In Case of Meeting Time Travelers

In completely unrelated note, when encountering persons of beings claiming to be from our future, comrades of the YC or CCCP, lest they be led down trapping primrose path to doom with false prophesy, or swayed to evils of capitalism by virtues of fictional technology such as ‘microwave oven.’

Therefore, when encountering suspected time-travelers, or strangely dressed workers speaking in archaic or modified dialects asking where to be finding 8-track tapes, must question closely regarding [i]true[/i] future events.

Fortunately, comrades of CCCP are already having perfect training regimine! Merely question these potential-comrades closely on Marxist ideals, or ask for details of inevitable rise of proletariat and coming Worker’s Paradise!

Do nyet be dismayed if terms, or, yes, even important names, have fallen from favor. Is entirely possible that dialects of New Speak have advanced scientifically beyond use of proper nouns, or comrades have learned to communicate telepathically for better efficiency and industry. Sufficient questioning of rhetoric will determine true ‘future travelers’ from charlatans misguided cross-dimensional travelers from ‘hell-dimensions’, such as ‘Victory of Democracy and Capitalism’ and ‘False-Egalitarian Future Galactic Monarchy.’

Have heart, comrades, and your scientific skepticism and sociological training will to be serving you well!!