A Note From Blade Shuai

(posted Sunday, August 15, 2004)

(( from a note stuck to ICBM's armor with a Hello Kitty thumbtack while he dozed at his desk.))

ICBM Tongzhi,

I am relieved to see your efforts to maintain order in this difficult time. Your directives show a military mindset that truly benefits CCCP. It is an honor to call you my comrade.

However, I wish to gently remind you that a great leader is as solicitous as he is firm. I realize that this is not typical of the Russian character, but our current situation calls for a broader understanding of our comrades' loyalties.

Your draconian security measures are sure to cause discord, resulting in troops who do not wish to obey orders, and wait for you to make single, fatal mistake...such as napping at your desk. Using Comrade Khrushchev as an enforcer -- a task he is admirably suited for -- will create additional dissent. My great respect for you would making burying you a moment of extreme grief.

The demotions you have issued are not indicated in the statutes. Regulation 21f/9 does require that resigning officials fill out form 5308-B, 5308-C in triplicate, plus document the return of all CCCP property using form 3459ez, providing receipts and/or restitution in the case of missing equipment. It is my understanding that the portable stereo provided for Red Saviour's office is being kept at her personal residence. Until these forms are filled out properly, and the stereo returned, she cannot officially resign from office.

Sergei, I urge you to temperance and to abjur haste. I am reminded of an American politician, who, when his President was incapacitated in an assassination attempt, stepped over protocol and declared "I am in charge." This misstatement haunted him for the rest of his life, and ruined his career. Your effort to maintain order in CCCP is laudable, but your methods may lose you the respect of your comrades, which is truly what gives a leader power.

Please also note that if any member of Red Brigade comes to harm due to your hasty security arrangements, I will use something longer and sharper than a thumbtack to pin my recommendations to your chest. Or helmet.

In closing, please extend my humblest and deepest apologies to Major Ursa and General Kosyrev when they awaken on the roof. They may not realize it was me passing through their security checkpoint. I will be happy to replace the Major's gun if he cannot glue it back together.

Your humble friend,
Blade Shuai