Un rezo a mi madre, part 2

From the Story Arc: A Snake In The Grass

Previous Story in the Arc: A Trip to Cloud Nueve by Red Saviour (Monday, August 16, 2004)

Next Story in the Arc: Day One of the Five Day Plan: The Bed-In by Red Saviour (Wednesday, August 18, 2004)

(posted Monday, August 16, 2004)

Oh mi madre, it would be so simple if you could speak to me yes? But it is not to be. I will never talk to you and papa again since those fascistas híbridos took you from me.

Tonight I am meeting Red Saviour on the street – it is the first time I am seeing her since that last time. I am thinking it is best to stay away from her, hearing Gato’s voice in my ear. But just seeing her again, what I am wondering about before has not gone away. In truth I have been with no one since meeting her, as all I can see is Red Saviour. Everyone else now look dim and frail in comparison. In any case she is very unhappy when I am meeting with her so we go to patrol for the cause. Though she fights very hard with much strength she is distracted and I am new here so the fighting did not go on our side - we must go for small medical attention. In hospital I see something I never thought – she is exposing herself to me.

The CCCP and Red Bridage is fracturing over some heroes I do not meet, and if you can believe they are taking aim and Red Saviour, our leader! Over this thing. It is nothing, she has made her decision, but they are not showing her proper respect. It is very hard to be leader, I learn this from you and papa. Is terrible, what they do to her. The strong hold the world on their shoulders, if we would be strong and fight with them we must push in same direction, si? You are teaching me this. I am outraged, but I do not show this to Red Saviour – she is not needing my rage, it will not help her. So I am listening, yes? And I she is showing me more of her inner strength, but she is hurting, and I only want to make the hurt go away. She does not trust me, I can tell. I cannot blame her. Oh when I think of the things I say to her the first we met! But she is still talking, and this is good. She is needing to relax – you cannot fight all battles at once. To be strong the strong must rest. I take her for swim on beach, and I confess maybe I am getting her a little drunk – but I do not take advantage Madre – even you and Gato know I am not that way. She is talking some more, and later she is asking me to turn my back and sing her soviet anthem – I am telling her I only know Spanish songs – which is true but I am not telling her I am not singing Spanish Soviet anthem but love song I hear as a boy in Spain. She does not know difference, and you will forgive me I hope for this small lie. Later I am reading your copy of Manifesto, the one you and papa gave me just before…. Before they took you, to her in Spanish so perhaps this is making up.

She is so sad mama, but I am happy in a way, I am happy she is trusting me. She even allows me to call her Natalya when we are not on official patrollings. It feels good – better than many other things I have had. After beach we go to fight a little more to clear minds. It is well until she is getting message from another Commissar and her face darkens. I follow her to meet him. Again there are many comrades there all blaming Red Saviour for actions of some pup and another Commissar who was disgraced by Russia. I am not interrupting with commissar Red Menace speaks for he is also leader, though not prime. However when the others are trying to break in with their fingers in the air I am not standing for it! I do not care if Kostyak is an official, he should not be talking to Red Saviour this way. I will be happy to drink with him on plaza but this is no good and he will be having to hear it from me. There is also walking tin can I do not know trying to do same thing. Is enough, I tell them. Red Menace is angry, I can see, but still he talks respectfully and as only Tov-ari-shii I stay out of way. But Red Saviour is more and more angry – she even throws away communication device saying she quits and flies off!

I am following. This is no good! The strong Red Saviour quit? Hand over leadership to pack of unruly dogs? In my hurry I run headlong into pack of Skulls and Red Saviour is saving me but is not happy about it, screams at me to leave alone. I agree, I am thinking there will be one person today who obeys her without question, as it should be. She relents and allows me to accompany her to train. Is there she takes me back into embrace. Ah… so sweet… my poor strong Natya, undermined by these burros. I am asking what she will be doing. This cannot last, I am thinking. She is just needing vacation – all heroes need vacation. She respond she is getting normal job! Can you imagine mama? Can you imagine you or papa or me selling fish? So, I come up with 5 day plan and explain to her – is rules to having no job. On first day, nothing but in bed (no, is not like that mama), on second day, is nothing but good foods… and so on. Secretly I am thinking all this talk of capitalist self indulgence will drive her straight back to office – these Russians, even their women, do not understand these things as we Spaniards do. But no, she is thinking is good idea! Ahh… so we will see how this 5 day plan goes. If I am lucky I will be there on the 5th day and finding, but Natya, Natya must return to being Red Saviour. These burro must do their duty to the leaders and help prop up our world. Someday, she must return. If she is not sick of vacation by day 5, then perhaps is time for fish market, and for praying for the fishmongers.

Oh mi Natya… you are still strong under all this hurt. I can see it. But if you cannot, what then? And how long can Red Saviour be Natya before is too much to resist? I cannot see her as a lazy woman who wants nothing but to be fed from silver bowls for rest of life, but how long is too long? Ask a capitalist and it is never long enough.