Interlude: Four Walls

From the Story Arc: Homecoming

Previous Story in the Arc: La Bella Vida by Re-Bear (Friday, September 20, 2019)

(posted Friday, September 20, 2019)

“Igor! Igor, wake up!”

Igor snorted and woke up from his deep sleep. The room was pitch black.

“What is it Pavel? It’s three in the morning? Can’t it wait?”

“No Igor, this is too important. I need to talk about it now. Have you ever thought about the nature of our reality”

“Have you been eating the brownies from the magic store again?”

“No, I’m serious Igor. I’m really freaking out.”

“Well, if I can’t dissuade you, go ahead.”

“You see, I was on patrol today, in Steel Canyon. I got a call that the Hellions had kidnapped some hacker and had him hidden in an office building, so I went in, stabbed a bunch of bad guys and brought the hostage out.”

“So far, so sane.”

“I get another call on my radio, and it’s Freakshow. At the same address! So I go in, and the layout of the entire building has changed. In minutes!”

“And?”

“And?! How does that even happen. And have you ever noticed the office building in this town don’t have layouts that are conducive to business, full of dead ends and strange corridors? And the elevators? Most buildings have elevators that go to multiple floors? Here all of the elevators are scattered about randomly.”

“So Paragon has terrible architects. Who can blame them with crime being so bad. Every professional that isn’t involved in the superhero industry just comes here for the resume boost. I rarely see anybody twice because the turnover’s so high. What are you getting at?”

“A game, Igor, we’re characters in a game. Think about it. I can barely read, but yet I hack computers, disable bombs, and massacre hundreds of gang members in vast warehouses on a regular basis.”

“Arrest, Pavel. We arrest them.”

“I threw poisoned spikes through a man’s chest yesterday and he fell off a rooftop. That’s a bit more than an arrest. And there’s the other thing.”
“Other thing? It gets worse than being stripped of our free will?”

“Much worse. I think we may be characters in a fan fiction.”

“Now I know you’ve been eating brownies from the magic shop.”

“Seriously. And he’s not even that good. We’re being portrayed by a hack! Think about it, how often do our situations start with dialogue? Answer: all of them.”

“So we talk a lot, that’s kind of what humans do.”

“Yeah. What does our room look like?”

“It’s pitch black in here, what does it matter?”

“Exactly, how lazy! This hack thinks he’s some store-brand David Mamet and has us sling dialogue back and forth at each other instead of creating immersive realistic environments. And the characterizations? What’s my deal? Some stories I come off as a talented and giving person, and others I sound like a moron? The writer thinks it’s funny that I call my penis a ‘wing wang’.”

“Nobody thinks it’s funny, Pavel, especially at Chuck E Cheese.”

“Exactly! And what about Bear’s accent? Sometimes he sound like Russian stereotype, and others he talks like a normal person. My accent drifts too. It’s really infuriating.”

“So you’re mad about what exactly?”

“I’m mad that if we have no free will and are the victims of a capricious god, I really wish he were better at playing games and writing. I wonder what asinine and improbable situation I’ll encounter next.”

“Good night, Pavel.”

“Bah. Good night, Igor.”