From the silo of Sergei Balderstonov, AKA The ICBM
(posted Monday, August 16, 2004)
1. Intelligence from Moscow reporting explosions at Workers Champion HQ. Comrade Red Menace has apparently met his fate. No word yet on status of
Mojiotok or Bestla. Have contack local artist to construct statue of great hero to the State.
2. PozdravliAyu to comrade People's Hammer for leadink strike team into Terra
Volta complex. Large amounts of U-235 where recovered, and casualties where
within acceptable rates.
3. Proceedink with phase 2 of operation "Preemptive Strike." Countdown is at
T-minus 30 hours and countink. Estimated payload is 100-megatons, with nominal
yield. Since Workers Champion HQ is located in central Moscow, collateral
damages will be high. CCCP members with family livink within 150km of target
zones woulds do well to tellink them to depart immediately.
4. General Kozyrev and Major Ursa given 1 week reduced rations and fined 1,000
rubles, for failure to secure CCCP HQ. Comrades Svarog and Tokamek reports to
CCCP HQ roof to re-enforce perimeter security. Comrade Chug please to report to
the Silo for internal security.
5. SALUT to comrade Katja KGB, newest recruit to CCCP. Will be assigned to intelligence and information department.
6. Red Brigade members wishink to be re-assigned to CCCP, please to fill out application form CC-214 (all 32 pages, both sides, in triplicate) and report to Soviette in CCCP medical center for DNA sampling, and physical.
7. Mornink classes are cancelled till further notice. Faberge Gulag unit to report to CCCP HQ to handle application processink.
8. Comrade People's Blade, it warms my heart to know that you, like your home
land, have finally awoken from your slumber. Still, I am wonderink why you nyet
speaks up when Workers Champion orders Commissar Mojiotok and Bestla to Moscow for execution? Or why you where nyet present when Red Savior quits and walks out on CCCP in time of crisis? Where you are Red Menace departs to Moscow to commit suicide by confrontink Worker's Champion? I am thinkink you shoulds spends time dealink wit Red Brigade issues, and leave CCCP to me. Next time you wishink to speaks to Sergei, use phone and call 1-900-555-CCCP.
Please to remember if anythink "fatal" shoulds be happenink to Sergei, large
portion of Paragon City woulds be left a radioactive crater.
9. Red Saviour. As people's Blades has pointed out you resignation was nyet complete. You are charged with desertink your comrades at time of crisis. Under CCCP regulation #1, punishment is death by firink squad. Report to wall behind CCCP HQ immediately... please to bring folds of blind and cigarette. Under CCCP regulations, you may appeal this decision, and appear before a tribunal of peers.
Please to monitor this channel for further orders.
Sergei Balderstonov, AKA The ICBM
Acting Commissar, CCCP