Sept 2, 2004

From the Story Arc: The Pink Shoe Diaries

(posted Sunday, November 21, 2004)

September 2, 2004

Deer Diary,

This is, like, my first time I've kept a diary or whatever? Si I figured I'd introduce myself and give you a little history about myself. I still think it's a little nerdy (and a little creepy) to talk to a book like you're a real person or whatever (even if you have hello kitty on the cover! So cute!), but my therapist insisted like Scooter Cartwright that night after the prom? So anyway, here goes.

Oh, I guess you should know I'm 8 foot tall in heels. A lot of people are surprised when they first meet me, and even though you're only a notebook and you don't have eyes n stuff, I'm supposed to talk to you like a person or whatever so ... yeah.

My family is originally from Louisiana, which is why my last name is like, so weird? But when I was little we moved to Texas which is where I really grew up. When I was like two or three, we were visiting Astroworld in Houston and I fell into the cotton candy machine! I guess I've always liked to wear pink since then, you know? And besides, it's so feminine.

I lived in a town called "The Woodlands" which is really calm and quiet, and a little boring. But that was, like, until I started college. Then I lived in Huntsville, Texas where they do all those executions or whatever? Anyway, I was a cheerleader in high school and it was only natural that I do the same in college. After a few years, and a lot of keg parties, I finally graduated with a degree in kinesiology (which is, like, a fancy word for gym class). I was partying hard, you know, for graduation? Anyway there was this vodka drinking competition and that's when I met Boris. he was a little pudgy, short (well, at my height mos men are), and bald, but he could almost keep up with me. 6 Bottles later though, he was, like, toast, man!

He told me he was part of this club or something (sounded like a sorority or fraternity except coed) called CCCP (don't ask me what it stands for, diary, because the words are the biggest I have ever seen in my life). Anyway it took me a while to realize they weren't columnists for People Magazine, but that they're actually, like Communists. You know, hippies that live in communes, except with suave European accents. Oh and they're into helping others a lot. They also LOVE classic rock, just like me! We talked a lot about Lenon's "Revolution" and how things were "Back in the USSR". He told me that slapping his forehead was just a russioan custom like nodding his head and to pay no mind. I'm SO multicultural! He also complained that the guys form CCCP and Red Brigade don't ever remember he exists most of the time, except when they need money (he's an accountant). Poor Boris. I'll get him some nice things for christmas.

Oh well, my brain's starting to hurt form all this writing n stuff, so I'm gonna go.