A Fire and Brimstone Christmas

From the Story Arc: Green and Red: A Christmas Story

Previous Story in the Arc: Friendly Advice by Bestial Boy (Saturday, December 11, 2004)

Next Story in the Arc: An Afternoon at the Library by Bestial Boy (Tuesday, December 21, 2004)

(posted Sunday, December 12, 2004)

NOTE: TURKEY DIES TO THE CONSISTENCY OF SANDPAPER IF LEFT IN OVEN WHILE OUT ON PATROLS AND YOU FORGET OUT IT!!!!

Not to mention? It tastes comperably as well.

Bright and Early Saturday morning, Mrs. Murphey knocked on Car's door. Car, still half asleep with a huge cup of coffee, answered the door in her PJ's.

"I was thinking was to be meeting later"

"Come now, dear! It's a gorgeous day and we need to get that turkey and carp in to cook!" Mrs. Murphey came on in like she lived there and headed for the kitchen. Car, still trying to figure out what time it was, stood with the door open for a few moments until she realized what was going on.

Shutting the door, she headed for the bathroom, took a quick shower, dressed in a pair of grey sweats and tank top and her fuzzy slippers, piled her hair up in a scrunchie on top of her head, grabbed her now cold coffee and headed for the kitchen. Upon entering her kitchen, Car finds that Mrs. Murphey has emptied her coffee and is making a new pot that smells like *Sniffsniff* peppermint.

"It's a new Christmas blend down at the market! Doesn't it smell wonderful! I thought it could get us in the mood! And go put this on to play." She hands Car a Manheim Steamroller Christmas CD and turns back to the bags she's brought in. Smiling, Car turns and heads into the living room. She moves to her stereo and pops the CD in and soon the distinct sounds of Manheim Steamroller fill her apartment.

"This is being beautiful music!" Mrs. Murphey stuck her head out of the kitchen and smiles at Car. "Isn't it though? OH! What a beautiful tree! I thought you didn't know how to decorate a tree!"

Car looked over at her 7 foot fresh cut spruce and smiled. "Ja! Is perfect, nein? I am spending much time at store buying perfect ornryments and lights. Woman at store is saying all were needed for tree this size. Am using magazine." Car held a magazine with a gorgeous tree on the front. The tree had a color theme of gold and royal purple, which Car had copied to the T. The tree had an absolutely gorgeous angel on top with streams of gold ribbon curling down around the tree. White lights and stunning glass ornaments of purple and gold. It was a stunning tree. Car had copied it as best she could. It must have taken her hours to do this tree. And the angel was perfect.

"Oh! Your angel is perfectly straight. How did you get it so...." She trailed off with a laugh. "Nevermind, child, stupid question. Come on, let's get that coffee and start with the turkey and pies."

With trepidition, Car headed into the kitchen, had a cup of coffee while her old friend described what would be done to the poor turkey. Stuffing it's butt full of bread, seasoning, celery, onion, and an apple for "Sweetness", as Mrs. Murphey put it, just seemed just plain, old fashion mean. But the bird was dead. Not to mention stabbing the bird in the breast and legs and shoving multiple cloves of garlic in seemed vicious. However, Mrs. Murphey swore up and down it made for a delicious bird.

The fish was simply wrapped in foil with butter, garlic, onions, and seasonings and Mrs. Murphey took it down and tossed the entire fish on her grill. Soon, the wonderful scent of cooking fish wafted up through Car's apartment window. Wow, that was simple. Getting this damned 20 pound turkey in a little bag with 2 tablespoons of the hateful flour was something that Car just seemed to be having a problem with.

After the turkey was in the oven, Mrs. Murphey helped Car make an apple and a pumpkin pie. This attempt was a much better attempt than the last. She went slow and easy, remembered the shortening and pumpkin spices, and they turned out beautiful, according to Mrs. Murphey. The woman took the 2 pies down to her apartment to put them in the oven seeing Car's had a 20 pound turkey in it.

As Mrs. Murphey was leaving with the second pie, she stopped and looked up at Car. "How many of your friends are coming to dinner, child?" Car smiled "2". The old woman laughed and shook her head, "Hope they're big eaters. You have enough food for 20 people." She left and Car hopped in the shower, dressed, and headed into town for her patrol. She'd put the timer on and checked it before she left. Still 2 and one half hours left before she'd have to come back and take the turkey out.

Plenty of time except for one small problem. Devouring Earth do not care if you have a turkey in the oven! By the time she finished with her mission and ran, literally, back home, her turkey was the consitency and taste of sandpaper. It was quite disheartening. The fish smelled perfect from downstairs.

Mrs. Murphey came up later that night to check and see how the turkey turned out. Having seen the bird, she was once again reduced to tears of laughter at the ineptness of Car's kitchen skills. Having seen the look on Car's face, she sought to control her laughter and explain that it was definitely a learned skill and it just took time. She also had explained that you can't leave the house on patrols when you were cooking. She went and wrote a quick list of things for Car to pick up at the store for another attempt at the turkey the next day. She went down to her apartment and returned a bit later with 2 perfect pies and the fish. Car was disheartened, but forced a smile and had some fish and apple pie for dinner.

Thus another day of destruction in her kitchen is complete......