Positron Task Force mission success
(posted Sunday, June 27, 2004)
Today, members of CCCP and Red Brigade banded together and undertook mission to be great heroes and further Collective in eyes of Workers (who seem to be unjustly barred from cheering heroes of people).
Capitalist forces feared Super-team-up so much that they try to sabotage group from beginning. Comrade Red-Eye, the most violent robot ever, was the target. During downtime Comrade Eye had his armor defaced with fascist slogans and swear words. Since Task Force was to be very public like parade, Comrade Red-Eye chose for greater good of goals of Collective and chose not to embarrass group by having to explain new profanity-laced shell to reporters. Explained that 5 Peoples Heroes would be embarrassment of riches and make it less fun because too easy. Also explained tendency to attack reporters. Tokamek could tell that robot really wanted violence today and I could not blame him. Wanted much violence, too.
At 3 pm EDT team assembled next to pretty trainer in Blyde Square. Team that was not sabotaged was Tokamek (me!), Reaktsiya and Wyld Fyre from CCCP and Untermensch from The Red Brigade. I had been put in charge by Comrade Red Menace but team felt that a new leader needed to be chosen because I am not smart or remotely responsible for actions. Untermensch proposed foot race to see who was fastest and therefore, best leader. We lined up and Comrade Reaktsiya held gun (and arm) taken from Hellion and started race. As soon as race started, Comrade Untermensch said “there, I won” but was so fast it didn’t even look like he moved! Forced to admit this is much faster than Tokamek and therefore Untermensch make best leader.
Untermensch talked to Capitalist pig Positron and got mission. On way to mission I want to make sure team has no tension (many teams Tokamek is on seem to have much tension, do not know why) and make American joke about going to bathroom first. Comrade Reaktsiya points out that first mission is near water supply and we could just go there. Were promptly told by Comrade Untermensch not to do that. Very stern. Good leading. Comrade Reaktsiya and I waited till he was not looking to pee in water supply. Comrade Wyld Fyre said she was lady and they don’t pee in water supplies. Felt bad for comrade sister. Much oppression of women in this country.
[important note from Tokamek (me!) – do not drink water for a few days in City]
Untermensch made good leader. Gave good orders but can not remember most of them because I disabled safety protocols and brain got hot and made it hard to think. Decided to burn everything in case that is what he said to do. Turns out it was not. He also has metal claws and they have a lot of blood on them so is best to do what he says. If you can remember what that was.
Reaktsiya did very good job keeping all systems green (except brain heat, need Bering Strait for that) and made enemies very angry because they were sick a lot. Some had masks on so that made it very bad for them when they got sick. He even showed me trick where he shot Tokamek with radiation and made me glow! Was great fun.
Comrade Wyld Fyre was very good at insulting our foes. She started with parentage and quickly moved on to insulting sexual performance. She is pretty so it hurt very much for them to hear about inadequacies. She also hit a lot of things that stopped getting up. She likes fire, too.
Went running around city to different missions. Comrade Untermensch had to keep going back to Positron to get new missions because stupid American hero can not figure out how to work a telephone. Word of group spread quickly. One villain leader chose to end life instead of face Task Force. All agreed that it showed keen judgment on his part.
After many missions, Capitalists realized that People’s Heroes needed to have security level raised because we were too good. During training found engineer that would remove last of safety systems on internal reactor. This makes Tokamek go fast, like lightning! But still not as fast as Untermensch, so not best leader. Asked if this would make brain heat worse, engineer said “… maybe not.” Very good engineer, had moustache and everything.
Would like to take this time to point out that possible next Task Force could be to travel to see Positron and put Soviet fist in mouth! It is not necessary to threaten Tokamek with violence and poke him in chest for asking perfectly good science question about going to bathroom when armor is stuck on.
Untermensch said we must finish Task Force (named Task Force Tunguska by stupid Positron who did not like Red Army Task Force name that Tokamek came up with) instead of scream at Positron in square. Very good leading. Group sure to be famous for not killing Positron.
Went on final mission inside future-looking building. We did a lot of violence. After hospitalizing or killing everyone there, Untermensch suggested taking a souvenir to remember great Task Force Tunguska. Wanted to keep big reactor as souvenir but was told not to touch by Untermensch. Team seemed to agree. Was given dirty bandana that doesn’t blow up or anything instead.
After great mission finished, we were given awards in public by stupid Positron who made us disband team because it would demoralize (big word given by Reaktsiya) American Capitalist pig-heroes. Young Champion was at ceremony and now best mascot ever because Positron stepped in runny poop after ceremony. Even better because angry Positron could not attack Young Champion or Tokamek (who was laughing) because Reporters were there.
Untermensch said for Tokamek (me!) to write report to Commissars on Task Force even though my english is no good. So here is report.
[important note from Tokamek (me) – apparently there was misunderstanding about prize of Red Saviour eyeball. Comrade Menace says that is metaphor and not real eyeball. This was explained nicely by Comrade Menace and very NOT nicely by Comrade Saviour. Would not like to speak about it again. Just say Tokamek knows EXACTLY what ‘metaphor’ means now.]