CCCP Heroes Abate Clockwork Scourge
(posted Monday, June 28, 2004)
On Sunday, assembed Heroes of the People, led by Commissar Red Saviour, put an end to the grim hold the Clockworks had until now put upon the workers of Paragon city. Named "Task Force Swift" by unimaginative Amerikantsii "Hero" Synapse, Task Force Glorious Retribution of Peoples' Combined Might fought with swift valor against malinkii robots, who fell as wheat sheaves before the scythe of Collectivism. Team members wore black in memory of brave comrade Babushka, whe fell victim years ago to disintegration of motherland.
Task Force Glorious Retribution of Peoples' Combined Might completed errands from Synapse in recording time - only approximately 4.5 hours! Regardless, the party still feels Synapse's suggestion for name of Task Force inappropriate. In task force, "Giant Robot Babbage" was crumpled as though made by Amerkiantsii car company Saturn, and Clockwork King was treated as though jar of pickled eggs tipped off high grocery-store shelf. Truly was like brisk walk in Gorky Park for heroes of CCCP!
Task Force Glorious Retribution of Peoples' Combined Might was composed of the following members:
Comrade Commissar Red Saviour, who provided steady leadership, sound tactics, and a frankly startling display of visciousness at tiny machines.
Comrade Official Bering Strait, who maintained sturdy control of little machines through slipperage and frigidization. Though they (of course) cannot be seen, Craptastical Rays were used to good effect.
Comrade Soviette provided excellent timely healings and weakenings of foes through radioactives. As indication of her devotion and skill, not a single member of Task Force was rendered unconscious, nor were any (to my knowledge) even close.
Comrade Capt. Communism, like good Russian soldier, stood strong at vanguard of electric punishments doled out by flimsy capitalist robots. Through his suffering, success was achieved!
Comrade Tokamek, fresh out of leading Pigsitron Task Force yesterday, provided ample flames of revolution to team. As mentioned above, foes trembled before our might - yes - mindless automotons cowered and grovelled at CCCP's onslaught! Comrade Tokamek's firestorms and firebreathings were most instrumental to this.
And, of course, myself, Red Menace. In capacity of CCCP official, I offer commendations of bravery and valor to all members of Task Force. It was truly a pleasure and an honor to fight by your sides yesterday!