(posted Wednesday, March 16, 2005)
Comrades, it is true that I have been gone for many months.
In fact I was being held prisoner by the Freakshow. Yes, comrade, my
struggles have been severe and I am lucky to have escaped with my life
and sanity. I will relate the circumstances of my captivity so that my
comrades can judge the authenticity of my service to the proletarians
of Paragon City.
It began on a Tuesday morning. I had just entered my favorite brothel,
the Flaming Lips, in King's Row. The madame of the house led me to my
regular room, "Sophie" would be waiting. AMBUSH!! A Freakshow crew
pounced on me. I recognized one of them, the juicer chief Balthazar.
Comrades, you must believe me when I say that I put up a valiant struggle.
I tried to flee but I was overcome by their powerful electrical shocks.
I awoke wired into a Freakshow pain/pleasure chair. My cruel captors
informed me that I would be receiving an electric lobotomy. Did I beg
for mercy? Comrades, I must confess, I did beg that the greatest mind
socialism has ever seen be spared their AC/DC ravages. My pleas swayed
their leaders because instead of an electric lobotomy I received only
something called a "partial practical vivisection of the frontal lob."
You see comrade, the Freakshow were interested in harnessing my psionic
abilities-THE VERY ABILITIES THAT HAVE PUNISHED THEM SO CRUELLY!!!
At one point the Freakshow even considered conducting a brain transplant but
they were worried that my superior intellect would survive the process
and I would wreak havoc in the body of a Freakshow lieutenant.
After weeks of torture I managed to escape. I do not remember the details.
There was a fight, a rousing night at a bistro, yelling, crying, shattered
glass,it is still a blur. But know this comrades, I never lost sight of
you, my valiant comrades in arms. I have returned and will redouble my
efforts to comply with the directives and security protocols of the