(posted Monday, June 28, 2004)

I will mince no words. CCCP is organization dedicated to ideals of Soviet Union. American CCCP branch is to uphold ideals of all CCCP, not invent own rules. In past, CCCP has remained tight knitting, powerful force, closely coordinated. As with all things from America, is now bloated and inefficient. As of today, imposing moratorium on new members.

In addition, am presenting appeal to Ministry of Defense officials to have non-Russians expelled from group. For two People's Republic of China nationals to become Commissars, not to mention an American as Central Committee member, violates the will of the worker's collective.

Comrade Original Red Saviour has defended American CCCP for  long time. He claims it is important to CCCP well-being, yet actions of daughter and current Red Saviour have shamed all good Communists. Comrade Original Red Saviour has been ordered to resign from planning committee before impeaching begins. No longer will Moscow tolerate American CCCP as plaything for wayward daughter and her friends. Commissar Mojiotok, raised by the State, should know better and exert more control over reckless members.

Reports also of Task Force missions are entirely unacceptable. CCCP is not foot soldier lackeys for running dog capitalist heroes. Is no question that CCCP is overqualified for such petty undertakings, but not excuse for putting Soviet heroes in thrall to capitalist schemes. Irresponsibility and selfishness of Commissars Red Saviour and Mojiotok in leading such missions is beyond understanding.

And speaking of dogs, Young Champion is inadequate mascot. Has failed to capture hearts of American public, nor has softened media image of Commissar Red Saviour. Dog is to be returned to Russia for dissection and study.

An audit is being conducted to determine whether American CCCP should continue or be disbanded. Continue on with current objectives until further notice. Before Gorbachev, none of this would have happened.