Request to Experiment on Comrade Chug
(posted Monday, April 11, 2005)
Submitted by: Comrade Communard
location: CCCP/Red Brigade science lab
Test subject: Comrade Chug
Description of experiment:
A cubic centimeter of Comrade Chug's brain will be excised and replaced
with a neural plug fabricated from chicken fat, plastic resin, and non-ferrous
Comrade Communard expects that the procedure will substantially increase
the power of Comrade Chug by augmenting latent neurosthenic tendencies. Comrade
Chug can be expected to be stronger and project three-dimensional reified ego objects.
Possible side effects and risks:
Minimal. The procedure is similar to one comrade Communard performed on himself.
Tests on rats indicate no harmful side effects whatsoever. There is, however, a
possibility that the test subject will experience decreased mental capacity.
Comrade Chug is expected to be immune to this side effect, although this will also
make assessing if the experiment actually failed more difficult.
1 chicken: $3 (remainder to be given to female comrade to prepare coq au vin).
metal wire: $.40
3 cases of ice cream sandwiches to relax test subject: $50
3 cases of ice cream sandwiches to reward test subject: $50
1 "color-by-numbers" book to assess subject's mental capacity: $2.50
Comrade Communard requests that the consent of the subject be waived. If required,
comrade Communard requests an additional case of ice cream sandwiches to help
comrade Chug make his "x" mark.
Signatures of CCCP/Red Brigade Human Subjects Testing Ethics Committee (ad hoc)
Chair: Comrade Communard: Communard [signed]
Comrade Collective Fist:
Comrade #3 (to be determined by committee chair):
Comrade #4 (to be determined by committee chair):