OOPH

From the Story Arc: In the Service of the Revolutionary Tradition

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(posted Tuesday, April 26, 2005)

National Pubblic Radio is proud to present the live broadcast of the Keynote
Address of the Annual Meeting of the Organization for Optimal Phrenology (OOPH)
by the Communard, honored hero and member of the Coalition of Communist Crusaders
for the Proletariat. We now go live to Paragon City where the Communard has just
taken the stage.....

*clapping*
Thank you, thank you friends...please, please sit down

Learned physicians, phrenologists, para-psychologists, metaphysicians, and journalists, I come before you today not to deliver praise and laurels, as is often the case at these bourgeois affairs....*murmers* no, my purpose here today is to issue a stern rebuke. Since the creation of this Organization in 1804 you acheived little in
your chosen field of endeavor *murmers*. The once proud science of phrenology is
now hardly taught at Universities and even where it is taught it is often the choice
of young pupils who wash out of the political economy curriculum. I am here as a
certified "Hero" of Paragon City to deliver an agenda of action and reform. *clapping*

"But Communard," you will retort, "You neglect Heimermacherfrau's discovery of the bump for perspicacity and Johnson's discovery of the bone spur for Irrital Bowel Syndrome." Bah! These were reported in the journal phrenologique over seventy years ago! Look around the once proud Paragon City. What do you see? Aliens and fascists rampaging, workers suffering under the cruel yoke of neo-fascist-counter-revolutionary capitalist, and people with little hope. And you cannot be troubled out of your bourgeois torpor to do anything about it! *murmers* Phrenology must contribute to the struggle to save Paragon City from these ravages! Phrenology must join the Revolutionary struggle and aid the workers in their time of need! *murmers, groans, hisses* You must henceforth produce results not sophistry! *boos and hisses* I say to you, *boos* I say to you now..
please, please let me finish or you nabobs will feel my wrath! *sounds of chairs being
moved, sounds of wood breaking* You there in the hat! I saw you throw that chair at me! Why would you throw a chair at me? *loud banging sounds, sound of microphone hitting the floor* GUSTAVE I SUMMON THEE!

===this is Carl Castle back in the NPR studios, we seem to have lost the broadcast from Paragon City. We now return to our normally scheduled programming.