Promotion Ceremony

(posted Friday, April 29, 2005)

Jessica Rougeau: “Good day all and welcome to our coverage of a ceremony dedicated to Paragon Hero Agn Stratonik of the Superhero group known as the Coalition of Communist Crusaders of the Proletariat, or CCCP for short. I’m reporter Jessica Rougeau for Channel 3 News. This is quite the exciting day! All manner of heroes and celebrities have come out of the woodwork to make an appearance at this ceremony. Oh wait, sir! Sir! Could I ask you a couple of questions?”

George Lucas: “Sure, go ahead.”

Jessica: “Thank you sir, I’m a real big fan. What brings you out here today?”

George Lucas: “Well, I’m always been a big fan of the CCCP and their roles in keeping the world safe for us ‘normal’ folk. I’m shooting a mini-series for Fox here in Paragon called ‘Lightsabers and Costumes’ where Jedi and Superheroes will do battle in the streets. I’m really excited about that. I know a bunch of Star Wars fans would like to see something this big.”

Jessica: “Wow! That sounds like a night with Ben and Jerry’s for me in front of the TV! Lastly, what’s your take on the whole Communist ideal?”

George Lucas: “Well, hey its America, so if these guys want to be Communist that’s their right. They are keeping us safe, after all. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m sitting next to Statesman and I want to run a movie idea by him.”

Jessica: “That was George Lucas! It seems like everyone is showing up for this event just to see the costumes of Paragon. Across the City Hall steps in Atlas Park, as I stand here near the statue of Atlas, I can see dozens of CCCP heroes standing in those scrumptious uniforms they wear. Regal, courageous, brave…there is no limit to the words that describe how outstanding these heroes are.”

**Jessica passes by a guy wearing a red CCCP t-shirt as she walks down a red carpet guarded by Paragon guards on all sides as they try to keep civilians and fans from mauling the celebrities.**

Guy: “Hey baby! Show us your hammer and sickle!”

**Jessica takes her microphone and nearly breaks it across the guy’s head.**

Jessica: “Oh! There’s Agn Stratonik himself! Sir! Mr. Stratonik! Can I a few minutes?”

Agn: “Of course. I have time for to answer questions.”

Jessica: “Thank you, Mr. Stratonik. First, how do you feel about this ceremony and what does it curtail?”

Agn: “Well, I am very happy about ceremony. Is good to see so many faces, even though I haven’t been in America long enough to recognize most of them, but is still good nonetheless! Ceremony is for promotion that my old commander from China, Major General Chao, has deemed me worthy of. I will be reinstated back to military service and given rank of Colonel for my supposed ‘achievements’ in Paragon.”

Jessica: “You don’t sound too excited. This is an honour!”

Agn: “Da, it is honour, but I am only doing job of protecting those who cannot protect themselves. Just seeing people safe is reward enough for me, but this is very big surprise for me and I will accept it with most happiness in heart.”

Jessica: “You are truly a hero, Mr. Stratonik.”

Agn: “Bah. Heroes are men and women who give lives for others to be safe. I only do my job! I am no hero. I accept this for all my fallen comrades. Now if you’ll be excusing me.”

**Agn walks off.**

Jessica: “You see these folks? Yes, these are tears! How beautiful our Communist friends are. Oh! Its beginning! Let’s take a look.”

**Agn stands in the middle of a stage set in front of the steps as the CCCP and others look on. Agn stands at the position of attention facing the crowd as Major General Chao ceremoniously marches toward him.**

Bruce Willis: “Damn these cats are sharp.”

Samuel L. Jackson: “Some badassmotherf*ckers is what they are.”

**Maj. Gen. Chao comes to a halt with a smile and Agn does a left facing movement to face him.**

Maj. Gen Chao: “Major Stratonik...On behalf of a grateful world and most importantly the grateful nations of China and Russia, I hereby bestow upon you the rank of Colonel and reinstate you to military service with the sole purpose of being an advisor and liaison in Paragon. I know you will do well and make me proud, as you have earned this through your outstanding deeds and courage.”

Agn: “Thank you, General Chao. I will not fail you.”

**Agn kowtows as Maj. Gen. Chao places a medal around his neck. Chao steps back to the position of attention and Agn renders a salute, which Chao promptly returns. They both do facing movements to face the crowd and Chao begins clapping, signaling all in attendance to clap loudly and proudly for not only Agn, but all members of the CCCP. Agn walks up to a podium set off on a corner of the stage and clears his throat as the clapping dies down.**

Agn: “Comrades…all in attendance. I thank you. This is prestigious honour and something I’ve wished to accomplish for very long time. If not for the members of the CCCP, who took me in and gave me good home, I would not be where I am today. Being a person who works on his or her own is easy, but working as team takes guts and guile and being Communist or Marxist in Capitalist country is one of the greatest challenges of all. Seeing so many faces here today shows that we all share one common interest: The protection of Paragon City. Beliefs aside, we are all here as men and women, sharing in this moment because of so many sacrifices from so many heroes, soldiers, sailors, airmen and marines worldwide, and especially in Paragon. Firefighters, police officers, emergency medical technicians…all of these are heroes and people that help keep the world in order. I come here today with no political views or discretions of those that do not share my beliefs, but I come in honour of those that have fallen. I accept honour on their behalf and will continue to fight to make sure their deaths were not in vain. Spasibo.”

**Agn walks off from the podium as a creepy silence falls over the crowd. Statesman gets up from his seat in the front row and approaches Agn as he begins descending the steps of the stage in front of the crowd. Agn and Statesman stand facing each other for a moment until Statesman renders a salute to Agn. With a smile, Agn returns the salute and they exchange handshakes. Camera crews snap pictures as all stand to clap and cheer. The members of the CCCP snap to attention and begin singing the National Anthem of the Soviet Union. A Senator named Greg Bakersfield looks on with his arms folded across his chest.**

Bakersfield: “Communism…How long until we all march under the Hammer and Sickle?”