Project Striker

From the Story Arc: In the Service of the Revolutionary Tradition

Previous Story in the Arc: Unsound by Communard (Wednesday, September 14, 2005)

Next Story in the Arc: Excoriation: Kid Crisis by Communard (Thursday, September 22, 2005)

(posted Wednesday, September 21, 2005)

Communard's Diary

September 1

Hid behind door today to avoid Commissar Red Saviour. Obtained large, mature parrot from Stan's Pet World in Skyway City. Will begin feasibility study for Project Striker tomorrow.

September 2

The Parrot is ideologically unsound. When offered a cracker it replies, "Thanks, big boy."

September 28

Feasibility study concluded. After weeks of six hour psychic attacks and projections
the Parrot can now recite volumes 45-53 of the collected works of Marx and Engels. When offered a cracker it now responds, "Thank you comrade!"

October 1

Saw Red Djinni and Kid Crisis today on Peregrine Island. I think they saw me too, but
they didn't wave. It looked like they were with a team of other heroes. Maybe if they
see me tomorrow they'll ask me to help out.

October 3

Project Striker moved to second phase. Obtained tissue sample from Chug. Sample
measures 2"x 2" x 6" and smells bad. Junior Achievement science student from
King's Row High School was tasked with isolating Chug DNA from the tissue sample.

October 8

"Clean" tissue sample received. Emailed Korean scientists today for cloning starter
kit. Paid for express shipping--I hope the commissars don't find out.

November 12

Received cloning starter kit and glow-in-the-dark stars and planets mobile today.
Tomorrow I will begin recombination.

November 13

Success! I have combined my DNA with the sample from Chug. The cells appear to be stable, but are dividing at a slow rate. I have begun psychic bombardments and will continue them two hours in the morning, at lunch, and before bed.

November 17

Cell division and development continues apace. Used tweezers to remove a cigarrette butt from the agar. Continuing psychic bombardments.

November 19

Introduced metabolism accelerator. Expect Project Striker to mature into a sturdy
worker in months rather than years. To this end I have grafted a bone/composite
matrix to provide a proper growth template and osteopathic rigor.

December 21

Disaster!! Developping organism exposed to unknown, multiple sources of radiation.
I suspect Comrade Belladonna Aura sneezed in the vicinity, or it could have been
that fool Phantom Fission--he was poking around HQ the other day with some other
bourgeois nabob. In any case, the sample has developped a distinct odour and a brown scummy texture.

January 15

The sample continues to develop. Pungent odour makes observation difficult.

January 21

Was hospitalized by cursed Malta Group scum for a week. Feeling much better.

March 21

Cleaning out closet today found black-brown tar ball. Flushed it down the toilet. Waved hello to Soviet but I'm not sure she saw me.

March 22

Tried to resume work on Project Striker today but was unable to find the sample. I suspect it has been tidied away by a fastidious comrade.

April 1
This diary is over. Stupid mocks me with its insolent blank pages.
I'll have the last laugh when you are recycled into toilet paper and put to use!!!