Comrade Bear's Gulag

(posted Thursday, September 29, 2005)

Comrades,

Since the Bear never sleeps (with exceptions, of course, for being under attack by rikti mentalists), I get to enjoy a variety of television programming at all hours of the day nd night.

I have noticed recently a certain dearth of good, clean, Soviet propoganda for little boys and girls. After digesting several programs (including Semeskaya Street which features an insufferable autistic monarchist, “The Count,” and that foolish supporter of the bourgeois cause, Bolshoi Bird; only “Bert” and his strong dedication to order and the Soviet ideal is worth emulating) I have decided to have a program called “Comrade Bear's Gulag.”

I short, I would put on a pleasant red greatcoat and travel all over the gulag of “make-believe.” I would talk to unrepentant dissidents like Comrade McFeely, who is slowly wasting away in the elements! See! The children would already be developing a strong sense of moral character. Unlike the existing show I am drawing my inspiration from, Tsar Friday and his White Army supporters would be decimated and Empress Elaine would be working the gulag salt mine. Haha! Take that, monarchist dogs!

Most importantly, sharing would be stressed; primarily, sharing wealth amongst the proletariat and sharing information with your local party officials. Good messages permeate all the tales! Perhaps even our own Young Champion can piddle on the fire hydrant of inequality, and bark with great conviction in support of the labor theory of value!

I am writing the Proletariat Broadcast System and the Children's Television Commissariat to share my great idea.

“Won't you tell me about your neighbors, da?”

-Bear