(posted Sunday, August 01, 2004)
Rejoice, comrades! The will of Worker's Paradise has been exercised. Undesirable elements are discarded in dustbin of history. The purity of Russian ideologies is ensured once again, even in decadent America.
Observe follow orders at once. Delay will result in severe excoriation.
1. Commissar People's Blade is now Chief Central Committee Commissar of Red Brigade, with absolute authority, as dictated by will of collective.
2. Commissar Mojiotok is removed from duty while he recovers from incapacitation. He holds no authority, nor is to be privvy to Party secrets, until status is returning to active. Comrades must report any violation of this edict at once, under pain of excoriation.
3. All non-Russians are hearby ordered to report to Red Brigade Central Commissar Blade, or Commissars or Officials of Red Brigade for immediate reassignment. Delay will result in severe excoriation. Please refer to Duty Roster Edicts, posted in CCCP and Red Brigade, to discover your new positions.
3. Comrade Mother Siberia is now Minister of Re-Education. Her duty is to keep CCCP doctrine pure.
4. Comrade Red Menace is, as many of you know, occupying space of former Commissar Ununtriarch on Central Committee. Comrade Ununtriarch is not to be discussed under any circumstances. Failure results in excoriation and imprisonment, followed by re-education.
5. All Tovarichii must report to weekly Indoctrination classes conducted by Mother Siberia. Absence will be noted and acted upon.
6. CCCP is not recruiting new comrades unless Central Committee chooses to do so.
7. Young Champion is now mascot of Red Brigade, under supervision of Commissar Blade. All pamphlets of Young Champion with CCCP logo must be destroyed. Submit logs of elimination of material.
I expect orders to be followed to letter. Failure is unacceptable, and punishment worse than excoriation will be levied against disloyalty and insubordination.
This orders require no discussion, as they are to be obeyed without question.
Glory to the Motherland!
Natalya Shostakovich, Red Saviour
Commissar, Central Committee, American CCCP