The lone man

(posted Monday, August 02, 2004)

Dear diary,
yesterday was my bithday, so I decided to skip the usual training and join the main group of CCCP and Weird Brigade, to give them a chance to cheer me and make me presents.

To no avail.

I don’t know if they are dumb or moron, but not a single voice raised a tiny “Happy birthday little Bestla”. For a moment the lights went out during a mission and I was like: “Finally, they made me surprise and big cake with little candles and now we can sing and I can express a wish too!!”. But it was only pesky Communard with his darktenebrashadowfoldingmyass powers.
I was mad, not even commisar Chinese Blade or commisar Chinese fist (I call them the chinese duo, tee hee) told me anything, and they are bound to know it was my birthday, since it’s on my personal record.

I felt so alone. Even more than when I was sent in ex DDR for field test. And that means in my case for assassinations. It was one of the worst periods of my life: I was just sixteen, in unknown country with none to rely on, left on my own and with difficult and unpleasent task to complete, and was forbidden to come back to pack if I didn’t remove my objectives first. Then I met Mad Marxist and he was great help, he took good care of me and I thought he was sincere but eventually I discovered him for what he was: a pig and a liar (and he deny this, such nerve). Life is a ****ty see-saw.

During the mission, to make things worst, US Backstabber joined us and started to pick on me. I guess it’s not enough for her to have told everyone I have bugs in my hairs (and I don’t, King Alghoritm and me check each other for bugs every evening after dinner). Eventually Kostyak came too, and I felt a little better, becouse I know he’s there for me when I need him. Plus him being GAY I don’t have to worry about the fact he’s there maybe becouse he want something from me (dear diary, don’t play dumb, you know what I’m talking about).
The mission however was a utter disaster, even if both me and Icbm managed not to get overrun and dragged to safety the fallen comrades. We decided to leave that place and hand the task to the alpha of the group (that’s pack slang, is ok if you don’t understand, stupid diary). We turned to another mission involving some drunk Tsoo that weren’t even worth our time but suddenly I found myself alone and completly surrounded by ghosts and sorcerers. It was a fierce battle and I was doing well blazing and punching and schorching them. But after a few attack my mind cracked under their psychic powers and I thought it was the end for me. In a bloody mist I saw a lone man fighting is way through the enemies, to reach me.

Suddenly I was a child. A little child.
I remember that day, now. Since I can remember I lived with the pack, not the WC facility, the real pack.
My pack.
I was but a cub, the only one who survived during one of the worst winters the steppe have ever saw. Memories are blurred but I think the first feeling that I can remember was the sense of fear and solitude that always hunted me. When the rest of the pack went to hunt I coudn’t ever come along, and was left alone in the den; when they came back I was always the last to touch food, and so by they time they all finished and went sleeping I was left in this cold cave biting the bare bones and cracking them to suck out the marrow. Alone again.
But one day three of the Beta promised me to take me on a hunt. We didn’t have found a prey for a week and all the pack was starving. I was very excited, it was the first time I hunted for real. On the snowy barren fields I tried to blend in the earth itself to help me find some traces of the last leaving beings on that desert. The only thing I found was the remains of a human camp, probably of a lone wanderer fool enough to test his might against the cruel siberian winter. When I told the others they was utterly uninterested, but I was too stupid to understand why.

They were out for me, I was their prey for that day, enough raw meat to survive a couple of day more.
I didn’t realized that, not even when they surrounded me.
I didn’t want to belive.
But then the first, Sol Ekis, without exitation tryed to bited me, I dodged but I was desperate and felt so hollow I almost coudn’t fight back.

And then there he came.
My saviour.
First a pulsing black dot down the hill.
Then a shadowy figure, leaping like a black panther on the snow, disappearing on the last jump towards us only to reapper in front of me.
A shield between me and my death.
I could only see is black, heavy, winter cape, which streched like the wings of a dark fearsome angel.
“Run, novichok” he wispered, with a calm voice.
But I coudn’t, I was so awed I didn’t think for a moment that with him there, my life was in danger. All the pain of the fight suddenly catched up with me, and in the moment I realized I was safe, the moment I heard his voice, I passed out.


But this time it wasn’t him, it was Kostyak, with all the others, rushing to my rescue. They reached me and succesfully repelled the tsoo wave after wave, while kostyak was healing my wounds.
It just made me feel worse. Were they my friends? I was confused.
When we finished the mission I took some photos of them and realized that for good or bad, they are the closest thing to a pack I have now. I almost start crying, so left in a hurry.

I heard that Official Bering is going back to Moscow for trial. Even if we face strong opposition, and our ranks thin we have to stay close togheter, put trust in each other and endure.

When I went back to my place, I was surprised. Someone had already feeded my badger and put him to sleep. And there was a present for me! A little red pack with a yellow ribbon. I was so surprised I trashed the pack to see what was inside: A NEW PHOTOCAMERA!

“Life is a hardship, novichok. You have to endure and grow stronger.. But now rest, it was an hard day, I’ll guard your sleep”
It was his voice, behind me.