Revenant Zero

(posted Friday, April 28, 2006)

"Bejouled!" The Soviet Bear cried out from his recliner.

Bejouled looked up from her sudoku puzzle. "What is it, Old Man?"

"Commissar Bella has a Crey Clone, nyet?" the Bear inquired.


"And Comrade Requiem has a Crey Clone, nyet?"


"Then why do you suppose Crey has not made a clone of me? I may not be as pretty as the Commissar or as loud as Comrade Tasha, but I am certainly a sturdy enough worker for the people." Bear scrunched up his lips and furrowed his brow, narrowly squinting his eye ay Bejouled.

"Perhaps," Bejouled began, "they already have a clone that scratches himself all day, drinks Dew at the Multinational Hut of Waffles, and watches TV Land? It would probably bankrupt the Countess to have a second clone like that on staff."

"Bah!" the Bear said, "Shows what you know! I am no longer patronizing MHOW. I am going to the Pancake Hostel now. They have free refills and Senior pricing."

Bejouled shook her head slightly and resumed work on her puzzle.

"Comrade Bejouled..." Bear began again.

"What is it, Old Man?"

Bear was slightly hesitant. "I may have informed Booster Max, Commissar of the JTF, that you were... how to say... ovulating.. and perhaps interested in some periodic companionship with him.. in a social setting..."

The lights in the room dimmed as the blood drained from Bejouled's face. "You.... What?..." she sputtered.

"He is such a handsome fellow. And single! I told him you may be interested. If you would like, I could go to the Pancake Hostel and you two could get to know each other better. I even bought you the latest Johnny Sonata CD, to help set the mood." Bear gave her a salaious wink.

Bejouled got up from the table and stumbled towards the bedroom. "I... am going to go throw up..." she mumbled.

Bear smiled. "You can thank me later, Comrade!"

The bedroom door slammed shut, rattling the windows, and Bear, oblivious as always, resumed watching My Three Sons


Bejouled sat on her bed and stared at the ground. She was unable to cry; she had been trained by the best covert KGB operatives not to give into her weakest feelings, but now she felt overwhelmed. Thankfully, a day had not been set for her rendezvous with Booster Max, so she began thinking of ways to get around it. It was then that she noticed a large box on the floor that had not been there earlier in the day. There was a small not written on yellow legal paper on top. She picked it up and read it:

Agent Bejouled

I believe that congratulations are in order, since you have reached Hero Secrity Level 40, and now have access to the highest level of protected information in Paragon City. I also assume you have Omega Level Clearance (I jest, of course. Our operatives have had that knowledge for months). I have heard from our Warburg operatives, many of whom are still recovering from the beating you gave them, that your skills and abilities are quite impressive. Enclosed in the package is an Arachnos Agent uniform. There is a GPS scrambler enmeshed in the fabric that will give your colleagues the illusion that you are still patrolling Paragon City, even if you are not.

I look forward to continuing our productive business well into the future.

-Operative Vargas

Bejouled held the garment up into the light and smiled. Her potential date would be a minor setback, for sure, but the potential for her future would be limitless.