Tender Loving Care

From the Story Arc: State Of The Heart

Previous Story in the Arc: Implementation by Waitron9000 (Saturday, May 20, 2006)

(posted Monday, June 26, 2006)

(A.N. Please to be sittingk down when you read this! Enjoy-SJ))

< Franz Liszt "Hungarian Rhapsody #2" Who Framed Roger Rabbit (start at 3:03 in) >

The CCCP commander's conference was about to break up. Only one item was left on the agenda, and for many it would be the hardest one to deal with. Belladonna Aura swallowed deeply as she began to give the report.

"Physically, Comrade Strela's injuries are healing as well as can be expected. I am recommending that we clear her for light duty such as Comm monitor, while she continues to convalesce. However, she will need assistance in learning how to deal with the loss of her sight, for I fear her blindness will be permanent. We need someone who can help her learn to do the simple tasks of living again, a comrade that will be there for her 24 hours a day, be tolerant, patient, understanding..." Bella's voice trailed off in thought.

The silence was broken by the sound of Comm Officer Waitron9000's interjection: "Why are you all staring at me!?!"

Pictures at an Exhibition: Tender Loving Care

Like so many catastrophes, the cause was simple

Comrade Petrograd stared at the budget. The combination of the ongoing base repairs, medical costs for certain members, and the daily expenses had the CCCP on the ropes financially. Now he needed to find a medical software upgrade for Waitron so she could care for Strela. He scanned the list of available upgrade packages and programs. ::nope, too expensive, too expensive, WAY too expensive...What's this?:: He picked up the phone and called the number displayed for SoftwareRUs.

There were failures in communication

Petrograd hung up the phone. The connection had been poor and the service tech had worse English than he did...and no Russian to speak of. Still he was sure that he had gotten the order across for a nursing upgrade for a comrade that was returning home and was in bad shape emotionally so needed tender loving care...

< Bombay >

The Service Tech hung up the phone. The Nursing Home director he had spoken with had expressed concern about one of his patients that was being bad and needed a caregiver that would straighten her out. He gestured to his nephew and then told him in Hindustani to dig out that 'Nurse Ratchet software that had been filed under the 'Grannies gone Bad' drawer.

There were warning signs before the disaster happened

Waitron stared at the software CD with suspicion. She wondered what kind of reputable tech dealership labeled its' programs in black magic marker on a CD-RW. She asked Petrograd as he hooked up the I/O cables "Are you sure this is safe?" "Da Comrade, am almost positive that software will make you first class nurse for Comrade Strela."

The next day, Strela sat in the CCCP cafeteria. She mused silently on how humiliating it was to have to ask Waitron to get breakfast for her. Even something as simple as that was difficult with her blindness. Waitron returned with a chipper "Here is the food, Mistress Strela, now eat up. A healthy diet produces a healthy body!" Waitron's voice had changed, now she sounded like C-3P0 on ecstasy. Strela missed the changed voice as an unusual bitter aroma filled the air? "Waitron, what in the world is that smell?"

"It's your prune juice. It will help you enjoy your twilight years! Now drink up!" Strela shrugged. :: It was a medical diet after all...::

"GAACK! BLEGH!"

As events continued, people began to take notice.

Strela was guided to the Comm officer's chair by Waitron. Even blind as she was, she could continue to serve the Rodina...perhaps. As she grabbed the headset from it's hook, she inadvertently tripped the switch next to it to 'open mic' from 'press to speak'. Of course, she couldn't see that she was about to make the debut of the program that the CCCP would later call The Waitron Hour.

Seraphic Flame signaled a halt as the team under her command heard chanting ahead. Clearly there was still time to prevent the Circle of Thorns from summoning Baphomet to lay waste to Paragon City. Everyone tensed as they prepared to break down the door that separated them from the heart of Oranbega.

The tension was shattered by a yelp of outrage from their comms.

"Waitron, NYET touch me THERE! What in the world are you doing?"

" I am giving you a chest massage, Mistress Strela. It's important to keep your body limber and your muscle tone up at your age, so you can catch a man..."

The CCCP heroes stared at each other with one though uniting them all: ::What in the HELL was happening back at the base?::

Of course, any good radio program needs a call in line...

Victoria Victrix chanted, feeling the earth shift according to her will and power. Soon, all the Council leadership of this staging base were buried up to their necks as the remainder of the CCCP strike force advanced on them...menacingly...implacably...like the coming of justice itself....

All of a sudden the Soviet heroes halted and began to laugh. Tears of mirth ran down their cheeks as they listened to yet another production of The Waitron Hour.

"Waitron, what are you doing with Syringe?"

"Mistress Strela, don't struggle so, regular enemas are important to proper health..."

Archon Cosby Stared in bewilderment as the Heroes that had him trapped began to laugh outrageously. As one they thumbed on their communicators and began to choke out instructions that made no sense...

"By the Gods, Comrade Strela, throw something at the well-meaning boob and RUN!"

"Oh I do NOT want to know..."

"As a member < snicker > of the < giggle > Med..med...< laughter > medical staff < pounding fist on the wall of the base > I cancel the order for the..< falls down holding stomach gasping for air > ENEMAS! < breakage e>"

"..too late...BWAHAHAH!!"

"For Godssake warm up your hands Waitron! < shatter >"

Cosby just stared in disbelief as the pride of Russia turned into a pack of giggling lunatics. ::What the hell is going on with them?::

Of course, any good show needs some advertising to raise public awareness

The two Skulls stood on a street corner in King's Row, smoking as they leaned against the lamppost. A high pitched scream caused them to turn as a pair of figures barreled down on them at speeds normally only seen by the Roadrunner or by Synapse after his eighth triple latte at Jittery Joe's Coffee Shack.

As the figure in the wheelchair screamed at the top of her lungs, the robot pushing her executed a near perfect left turn onto Main Street. Sparks flew from the wheelchairs tires as it raised up on the bare metal rim of one wheel and car horns blared as the pair zoomed back and forth through oncoming traffic like a rocket. As they faded from sight, the Skulls heard "Mistress Strela you shouldn't have tried to hide, now you will be late to bingo!"

The two Skulls stared off into the distance than looked at each other for a long moment. Finally one spoke.

"Wally did you see what I saw?"

"If it was a blonde chick in a commie uniform with her hair in a beehive being pushed in that chair by some 'bot, then yes I did, Beaver."

As on the two Skulls then stared at the syringes of Superadyne in their hands. "Dude, we need to lay off this shit."

Naturally, the stars of the show have to deal with significant others

Siberius smiled at Strela as she rested in her room in CCCP HQ. He would be there for her as she fought to regain her purpose in life. The time was passed by sweet words talking about nothing.

"Mistress Strela, it's time for your sponge bath and hot towels!"

Siberius quickly fled the scene of the atrocity about to happen. After all there were some tortures that even the KGB would deem too cruel to inflict on even the worst enemies of the state.

Of course, the real money comes when the show gets syndicated

Bella Nova locked her office door behind her. Working under her usual routine, she disconnected her IM, turned on all her anti-surveillance devices and finally unlocked her secure safe where her key items were stashed. She grabbed her stolen CCCP communicator and checked her watch. Kicking off her shoes, she leaned back in her Italian leather recliner and propped her feet up on the desk. She smiled broadly as she turned the volume up to maximum, for The Waitron Hour was about to begin.

The secretary shrugged as she heard a thump, as if someone had fallen out of her chair in the office behind her. Dimly she heard wild laughter leak through the soundproofing, followed by a rhythmic thump as if someone was pounding her fist against something hard in counterpoint to her howls of glee. Every day this time...what IS she doing in there? the secretary mused, before reminding herself she was being paid not to ask those questions.

Eventually, like all good things the show would end. Of course, there are always reruns...

Aedan Murdock smiled to his twin as they copied the stolen tapes from CCCP Comm Central to their own recorders. This footage would sell for a pretty penny to their fellows in the CCCP. A throat clearing caused them to turn to face their parents. Both stared at him with stony expressions on their faces. Astra whispered "Busted, definitely busted" Finally Sera stepped forward.

"Aedan Murdock, what have I told you about stealing from the CCCP headquarters?"

"Not to do it, Mom, unless it's Waitron tapes. If I steal those, be sure to make you and Dad copies."

"Good boy!"

/Fin