Dystopia - Sofia's Journal

From the Story Arc: Dystopia

Previous Story in the Arc: Dystopia Chapter 5 by Krasniy Zakat (Monday, July 17, 2006)

Next Story in the Arc: Dystopia Chapter 6 by Krasniy Zakat (Friday, July 21, 2006)

(posted Wednesday, July 19, 2006)

Sofia's Notes

It is the worst feeling in the world, when one causes one's own downfall. They say that pride comes before a fall – and although quite often 'they' are wrong, sometimes something is a colloquialism because of the very fact that it is true. This one, it seems, is not far from reality.

There is a sort of bitter irony in the knowledge. I've come to save, and I've caused more harm. It is not all lost, however. Clearly, both my Alex, and the local Alex – there must be one, or at least there must have been one to marry the alternate version of myself – are intelligent, capable people. The two of them together, if not each alone, should be able to set the portal working again. Shouldn't they?

Alex – this Alex – gives me some concern. I am at a loss of what to expect from him, and, for that matter from me… the other me, I suppose. Alex always had tendencies of a mad scientist, and it seems that this version had acquired a better and bigger place to let his obsessions run wild. I wonder why I had not kept him in line? Perhaps I am not fully aware of the danger, if this world is different enough from mine own, I would not be. He had always been obsessed, and even after… certain events happened, his obsession to modify, tweak and poke into the furthest corners of the universe only increased.

And it seems that even the best-intentioned, sweetest people fair to listen to the voice of morality when scientific obsession strikes. The only thing remaining in the world that is of any importance is the Project. It seems that being moral requires quite a great amount of conscious effort on the side of most humans, and when this effort goes into something else, the ethical considerations remain forgotten by the wayside. Even my Alex, always termed the 'nice guy', and quite considerate, becomes halfway unrecognizable when he allows his obsessions to be entertained, neglecting not only food but also any notion of responsibility – nigh onto immorality. Put an obstacle on his way to completion of his current pet, and he will surmount it with a determination that frightens me.

Who knows how far his obsession can run, when left alone like this?

I can't wait to find the local Alex. At least I won't be so desperately alone as I am not… surely this Alex would help me; he is the same person, after all. As am I.

Devil, but this is confusing. I am having a harder and harder time keeping these two men (and women) apart.

This notebook is becoming more and more the diary. Fascinating – I have seldom written anything more creative and consistent than scientific articles or forum posts in my life. But words are my province, and even though I doubt anyone from our won world would ever, or could ever, come for us now, I must do something to keep myself sane. It seems that creating this artificial outpour is as good a way as any. Better than sitting down and dying, as far as I am concerned.

This is a good way, too, to let me analyze this reality, and my own actions. Linguistics requires of you to be aware of the 'why' of things just as much as Physics would, even though the approach is more general and lenient. But the substances we work with are no less, nor more, amorphous. Words, speech, writing and the notions that are in people's heads demand of us not only a working knowledge of at least several languages, but also being not a mean hand in psychology, cognition and even computation. If only I can set the instinctive analysis in a way that my mind was trained to understand… then perhaps I can deduce the rules. And if so, the perhaps this world is not so strange after all.