Lovesick Rejections

(posted Monday, September 25, 2006)

Found in trash bin at CCCP HQ:

Poems for Bayou Bengal
-by Re-Bear

You're a cat,
I'm a Bear.
I'm covered in poison,
You're covered in hair.

Scribbled underneath: Bah! That will not work. Must not state obvious, must be mysterious.

You're the sister
With the whiskers.
Perhaps you know
What spaces you can fit your head into.

Scribble: Bah! Does not rhyme! What would Pushkin do?

You take the laws
in your paws.
You drink from straws
and have claws.
You have no flaws,
except you roll your 'R's.

Scribble: Bah! Does not quite rhyme. Maybe I can quote sexy song...

Move sixteen tons
What do you get
But a medal for being a sturdy coal miner.

Scribble: Bah. She is no Stakhanovite. Maybe something simple and polite.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I read in a book that tigers eat people
Do you?

Scribble: Sounds rather accusatory. Maybe something whimsical. Da! Something whimsical!

You're a kind cat-woman
And not very pushy.
I'd like to get to know you,
You're a really nice P....

Note: At this point, the final word was scribbled out in frustration and the entire letter was crumpled and thrown in the garbage.